All behavior is a form of communication—especially for children. Adults recognize some of these communications right away—like a smile showing a child’s happiness or a frown that shows disappointment. But some behaviors can be more difficult to figure out.
Young children do not yet have the words or communication skills to clearly tell us what they need and want or how they feel. They let adults know their wants and needs through their behavior. Sometimes, behavior that adults would think is disruptive is often a “clue” to help us understand what children are trying to communicate.
You may feel unsure how to respond to your child’s challenging or unpredictable behaviors. Often, just when you feel you have finally figured out how to manage your child’s behavior, something changes, and it gets challenging again. Here are some examples of challenging behavior:
- Toddlers sometimes hit, bite, fall to the floor, cry, kick, or yell “no.”
- Some preschoolers argue or fight over toys, refuse to take turns, struggle to follow directions, whine, or yell.
- Many young children may also have moments of overly energetic play, move quickly from activity to activity, or withdraw and not want to participate in activities.
Many behaviors like the ones listed above result from a child not knowing how to recognize or manage their feelings or how to express themselves and their needs. Most of the time, these behaviors are developmentally appropriate, typical, and normal—and they can be managed with the help of their caregivers.
Understanding why these behaviors happen will help you meet your child’s needs and help them learn more appropriate ways to express their feelings. Here are some resources and tips that can help.
Resources to Promote Positive Behavior
Use the following tools and resources to help build a positive relationship with your child and understand and respond to common parenting challenges. Though information can be a useful guide, remember that your child's path is unique, and your journey will be unique as well.
- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC’s) “Essentials for Parenting” may help you handle common parenting challenges. It has fun videos and tips for specific parenting skills.
- Learn how to teach social-emotional skills at home with this resource from the National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations.
- Zero to Three’s ”Positive Parenting” resource web page provides tips and tools you can use to help provide positive support to your child.
- Explore the National Center on Child Health and Wellness resource Nurture Them, Nurture Yourself for tips and tools to help you respond positively to your child’s behavior.
- The Head Start Center for Inclusion offers useful tips to promote positive behavior during common family activities and routines that can sometimes be challenging.
Tips for Parents and Families
- The American Academy of Pediatrics’ (AAP’s) Parenting Website provides helpful tips for managing challenging behavior for all ages of children—from infants to teens.
- Tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development. This resource from AAP provides tips to help you manage frequent tantrums. Learn more about how to respond to temper tantrums and ways to prevent them in the Mayo Clinic’s resource ”Temper Tantrums in Toddlers: How to Keep the Peace.”
- Listening to a crying child can be very frustrating. AAP provides helpful tips you can use to respond to your crying baby and prevent shaken baby syndrome. Remember to never shake a crying baby,
- This family routine guide from the National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations can help you use routines to address or prevent challenging behaviors.
- And remember, children do best when they have consistent and predictable routines.
Partnering with Your Child Care Provider
Your child care provider can be a source of support when you are finding your child’s behavior challenging. A trusted provider can work with you to handle challenging behaviors in constructive ways. You are more likely to be successful if you and your child care provider are using the same strategies to address the challenging behavior.
When you have a strong relationship with your child care provider, it’s easier to discuss challenging and unwanted behaviors as they happen. When providers and families feel comfortable discussing challenging behaviors with one another, they can work together to develop a plan for supporting the child and addressing the behavior before the behavior becomes more difficult to handle.
Here are some tips for partnering with your child care provider:
- Talk with your provider about changes in your child’s behavior and any concerns you have.
- Offer your opinion and ask questions.
- Find out the behaviors your provider is seeing when you are not there.
- Try to identify the cause of the behavior together.
- Work together to create a plan to address the behavior with consistent strategies.